Older MySQL Poems

By unpopular demand, here are some of the ones from the Percona Live 2013 presentation.  I make no claims of quality:

deadlock detected

we rollback transaction two

err one two one three

- a MySQL Haiku

In the style of Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven"...

Once upon a SQL query
While I joked with Apple's Siri
Formatting many a logical volume on my quad core
Suddenly there came an alert by email
as of some threshold starting to wail
wailing like my SMS tone
"Tis just Nagios", I muttered,
"Sending alerts unto my phone,
Only this - I might have known..."

Ah distinctly I remember
as I documented for each member
of the team just last November
in the wiki that we keep -
write and keep and nothing more...
When my query thus completed
Fourteen duplicate rows deleted
All my replicas then repeated
repeated the changes as before.
I dumped it all to a shared disk,
kept as a backup forever more.



There once was a small database program
It had InnoDB and MyISAM
One did transactions well,
and the other would crash like hell.
Between the two they used all of my RAM

- A MySQL Limerick -



Round and round the disk drive spins
but SSD sits still and grins.
It is randomly fast
for data current and past.
My database upgrade begins.

Flush local tables

Make and LVM snapshot

Backup with rsync

- A Haiku on simple backups -

Oracle is red,
IBM is blue,
I like stuff for free -
MySQL will do.



There was a dba who lived in a shoe,
He had so many tables he didn't know what to do
He optimized some and analyzed a few
then truncated them all and left for the day



And a throwback to Dr. Seuss...

Do you like MyISAM?
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.
I do not like MyISAM.

Would you use it here or there?
I would not use it here or there.
I would not use it anywhere.
I do not like MyISAM.
I do not like it, Sam-I-am.

Would you like it in an e-commerce site?
Would you like it with in the middle of the night?
I do not like it for an e-commerce site.
I do not like it in the middle of the night.
I would not use it here or there.
I would not use it anywhere.
I do not like MyISAM.
I do not like it Sam-I-am.

Would you could you for foreign keys?
Use it, use it, just use it please!
You may like it, you will see
Just convert these tables three…
Not for foreign keys, not for those tables three!
I will not use it, you let me be!